Flat line

Early this year, i had the same old new year resolution which included losing weight,get into a relationship and save money.....it's August and none of that is achieved. Am piling kgs per day,my bank account is in negatives and no relationship in sight. I call this state a flat line coz i could use a couple of jolts to get me started into a normal life.
The kind of jolts i get come in the form of my friends and colleagues. These guys are a constant reminder of how things ought to be, constantly pinpointing at my wrong doings and my all-to-loud messes. Ever felt like serving a knuckle sandwich? coz that's my everyday feeling. I often feel like i could lock myself in the house and never come out but someones always knocking at my door. I wish someone could show me how to handle all this.
The upside to all this comes when i get to rub their flaws in their faces,HUH! You got that right. Now don't act like am such a bitch coz we all do that at one point or another. We relish the day our dear uptight friends lives comes tumbling down. It's the only moment i get to sit down with a smack on my face until things get back to normal and am the focal point.
This reminds me of some crazy things i did early this year.... i was in a relationship that started coz i was tired of being asked whom am dating. You got it.....I MADE UP A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!! I revived an old ex-boyfriend who i haven't talked to in five years and had a relationship that lasted a cool six months. You might think this is crazy but it kept me off everyones sympathy trail for six months. Am sure i'll do it again soon if the rumour mills become unbearable. It was the perfect relationship if my imagination was anything to go by. I wonder what crazy things you single lonely girls ever came up with......